WASHINGTON D.C. — U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions was spotted running out of his office this morning with a rucksack and piece of parchment screaming: “I’m going on an adventure!”
“It caught me by surprise,” said U.S. attorney, Foggy Nelson. “I just got here from New York and suddenly my boss takes off like that. Really weird.”
Nelson says he remembers seeing Sessions last sitting on a bench outside his office swinging his legs and smoking his beloved pipe.
“Must’ve been some good stuff in that pipe,” added Nelson.
Sources closer to Sessions said he had been meeting with what they believed was his priest every morning for the last three days. They described the priest having a long gray beard and wearing a tattered robe and carrying a wooden shaft.
President Trump has been briefed on this latest development and seemed delighted by the news. “I think he’s off looking for a special ring I lost long ago,” Trump told Brietbart News. “I told him how tremendous it was. Tremendous. He said he would find it. I said go.”
Many of Trumps highest cabinet appointments were gifted with “special” rings, including Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin. That brings the total of 19 rings gifted.
When CNN released a story this morning about Trump’s upcoming 100-day mark, Trump angrily Tweeted about Sessions in his response:
.@CNN When Jeff brings that ring back everyone will forget this 100-day FAKE nonsense! Believe me!