Billionaire Bruce Wayne spotted at Coachella

Celebrities dressed in hippie-inspired fashion are a common sight at the annual Coachella Music Festival. But a rarity is the sight of recluse billionaire Bruce Wayne basking in the California sun.

“I had to do a double-take because I thought it was my dad,” said pop singer Nick Jonas, commenting on Wayne’s less-than-GQ fashion sense.

Wayne was spotted wearing a Banana Republic plaid, short-sleeve button down shirt tucked into khaki shorts, finished with a pair of Sperry shoes and ‘90s-styled Ray Ban sunglasses.

Despite Wayne’s beach-dad look, his date, a mysterious woman named Selena, was the talk of the festival. Wearing a headband adorned with cat ears covered in Swarovski crystals, Selena was dancing and conversing with everyone she met.

“Really cool chick. Sexy too. I think she purred in my ear when we took a selfie,” said rapper Drake.

“I saw her dancing on top of the stage rafters,” said supermodel Kendall Jenner, moments after filing a police report for a stolen diamond necklace. “That’s like really high. She must’ve been smoking that Nightmare Weed. You know, the one with the scarecrow art on the bag.”

Rumors were swirling that Wayne was trying to obtain Nightmare Weed, the new synthetic marijuana that’s been sweeping through the festival.

“I saw him staring at the bag and talking to himself,” said one festivalgoer. “I hear that [stuff] makes people nuts. But I was having a good time so I screamed at him — ‘Go back to Gotham! Journey’s not playing here!’”

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