X-Men’s Colossus named new Russian Ambassador

WASHINGTON D.C. — Rex Tillerson did not receive the warm welcome he had hoped for in Moscow earlier this week. The relationship between the two Cold War powers remains frigid, prompting President Trump to tweet:

Russia treated my boy Rex very bad. Didn’t even give him a treat! Or rub his belly! Next time they won’t like who I send!

Despite still confusing the Secretary of State with his daughter Tiffany’s dog, President Trump is living up to the last part of his tweet.

As of this morning, Piotr “Peter” Rasputin, better know as Colossus and a member of the X-Men, has been named Ambassador to Russia.

Questions still remain regarding Rasputin’s immigration status, but President Trump doesn’t seem concerned and hopes Colossus will send a message of strength to Moscow. Rasputin previously served as an aid to the Trump campaign and, sources say, is being investigated for possible collusion with the Kremlin during the 2016 election.

“The Hulk is going to do amazing things. Tremendous things.” President Trump said at a news conference before being corrected by an aid (who was then immediately fired).

“This toxic relationship is quite unfortunate,” Rasputin said at the press conference. “I hope to bring good relations between my native country and my new home. I give my word.”

In response, the Russians have named former boxer, Ivan Drago, as head of security for Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov.

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